From Insecurity to Identity: My Four-Year Journey

I want to start off by saying God is faithful! And because of His faithfulness and His kindness, I am here to testify about these past four years here at FPU.

In my first year here at FPU, I was very, very nervous with no desire to really be seen or to get involved in anything on campus. I had my two friends and that's all I needed. I kind of just wanted to be by myself, and college was something I just wanted to get through. Months later, I slowly began to break out of my shell and got involved with the OSF (Office of Spiritual Formation) team where I was blessed with two great supervisors, Brian and Taylor. One of the reasons why I wanted to stay hidden coming into FPU was because I was extremely insecure and I had very little self-worth. I didn't even have a real desire to have a relationship with Christ and because of that, I looked towards other things to make me happy, fulfilled and secure. I struggled deeply with the idolization of relationships and friendships. I felt so worthless and that I was someone of no value.

I was consumed with so much insecurity and pain that I couldn't even fully grasp that such a big and amazing God loved me. And because I was so consumed by my own pain, I often found it almost impossible to see God's goodness in my life. I couldn't even thank Him and mean it. And you know, you can only live life like this so long. I felt a tug and pulling from God for months, but I wasn't ready to say yes to Him quite yet.

It’s now 2023, and I'm a sophomore. I got my heart broken yet again, and one night I went to my room and wept so much. I fell to my knees in my dorm room and said to God, “God, I'm done. The relationships just leave me empty. God, the validation I seek from friendships and relationships leave me so empty, and I can’t do it anymore. God…I am ready to fully surrender my life to you. God, right here I give it all up to you.” And within that very moment the presence of God fell upon my room, and I felt a warm embrace as if someone came behind me and gave me the biggest and best hug. And I just wept, telling God, “Thank you. I feel you.” My life changed from that moment on and all I had to do was say yes to Him.

So, as months went on, life truly took a full 180 for me! Tough life trials and heartache came—in fact just a few months later I lost a dear loved one. I watched an amazing 18-year-old young man by the name of Malachi Rios suffer with cancer. He was a dear family friend, and the family needed all the support they could get, so my mother and I moved in for about a month to help him. I witnessed him weep from the pain, and I saw the disease slowly destroy his body. My heart broke watching someone I loved so deeply experience this, but God sustained me and strengthened me, and I was able to be a blessing to him and his family until he passed and went to be with Jesus. Seeing someone suffer in that kind of pain will change your outlook on what true suffering looks like in this life, but God was so kind to meet me right where I was yet again. 

I remember we had just received news that Malachi had two weeks to live. I went to my room and began to beg God to save my friend and cried out, “Please, please, please!” And in one split moment I felt the presence of God fill my room. I felt the peace and comfort of God so heavily, and suddenly my, “Please save him,” turned into, “Oh God, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Thank you that I met him, thank you that you chose me to help care for him, thank you for placing him in my life at the perfect timing and most of all thank you for the time you gave me with him. God yet again met me right where I was and strengthened me.

Why am I sharing all of this? I am telling you this to let you know that the God I serve is very real. I should not be here in this moment testifying, I shouldn't even be in my right mind, BUT GOD. You are never too far gone. You are all so incredibly loved, and He wants to know each and every one of you. Say yes to Him.

There are two Scriptures that I would continually speak over my life these past few years:

Psalm 34:1, “I will bless the LORD at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul will make its boast in the LORD;”

Matthew 19:26, “With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Thank you!

Jordana originally shared the above at FPU Chapel on April 29, 2026.